one two three fourrrrnication!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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