I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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