Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
