dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
