I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
