and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
