What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
