if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
