it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
