mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
