Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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