Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
