Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
