btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
