I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
