Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize