so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
