I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
