I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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