Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
