It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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