Plan B is the new Plan A
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
