found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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