i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
