people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
