Your face is a jimmy john
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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