I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
