I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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