how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
