So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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