Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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