I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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