Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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