I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
