you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
