im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
