I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
