Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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