i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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