Sponge bath it is.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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