Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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