WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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