I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
