Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
