i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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