i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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