I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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