just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
