You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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