Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't deserve a penis
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
