You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
