I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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