Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
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Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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