I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
