At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
