you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
