he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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