dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
