I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Send help, water and tortillas.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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