Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
