maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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