by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
