mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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