But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
