You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
