Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
