You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this beer tastes like vomit already
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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