I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
