but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
