dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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