3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
