Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
