He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
