I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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