I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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