So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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