Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
