So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
