I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize