He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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