It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
