If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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