I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
