You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
