peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
