And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
